Waiting to breath..................

It comes once a year.

The moment that one thought and one thought alone, grips the depths of your being.

You push it deep down and try to ignore it.  But its there.  And in the quiet of a spring day or under the darkness night .... it haunts you with its What ifs.

You are the spouse of a cancer survivor.

And for that week ....... the week between the blood tests, the Cat-scans, the PET-scans and the X-ray  and the all-important annual check-up ......... you try not to go to that quiet place of What ifs.

Eight years ago .... Honey received the diagnosis of lung cancer. 

I immediately went into to "fighter-mode".  I searched the Internet for knowledge. 

And I walked away frightened, scared and scarred with the statistics that existed.

Fortunately, a wise oncologist told me to "Get off the Internet!"  Honey's cancer was found very very early and for us, surgery was all he needed.  Few are that lucky.  We had been blessed.

But every year .......... we go back for a check-up.  And every year, I hold my breath.  Because .... he didn't have cancer ... we had cancer together. 

As time progresses, the chance of a recurrence becomes slimmer and slimmer. 

I know that.  I can put all of the facts down on paper and look at them.  I can count the years. I can see his healthy glow and his energy. But the What-ifs are never erased.

We went to the annual check-up on Tuesday.

I can breath again.  All is good.

Until ... next year. 

All because I am spouse of a cancer survivor.


myomyohi said…
I resemble that comment. My Mr. had prostrate surgery in December. It always lingers in your mind, and more importantly in theirs. Glad to hear he got good news.
Kelly Bartels said…
I am so touched by this, because in 2003, I was diagnosed and every year since when check up time rolls around, I get scared out of my mind for about 10 days.
I was lucky, and I'm so glad that both of you were blessed as well.
Michelle said…
I feel just a wee bit of this since my DH had his heart attack, because you know what they say in hospitals -- "Be good to our cardiac patients because most of them will be repeat customers." :-/

So glad Honey got another thumbs-up!
Ginny said…
Good news, glad to hear it.

Popular Posts