This is not a light fluffy post.
This is not about sunshine and puppies.
This is about mental illness.
I hate that term. It has such connotations of straight-jackets and padded cells. But I have to admit .... I suffer from mental illness.
I have depression.
I was diagnosed in 1991 after years of suffering. I had canyon deep lows, but when I was feeling good (or faking it well) I was on top of the world.
Many were surprised when I was diagnosed. I hid it well from the general public .... but my good friends knew.
I could pull myself up by the bootstraps or go outside and get the stink blown off me -- I could function.
But the darkness .... the darkness was there.
When I crashed .... I crashed hard. Years of therapy .... Years of medication followed.
Several years ago .... I was able to go off meds. I held off depression by having a fantastic support system, a life that I loved, and prayer.
But lately, the dark feelings returned. Maybe it was the long winter. Maybe it is isolation. Maybe it is stress.
Recently, I needed to go back on medication.
It is a struggle.
But it is a struggle that I am determined to win.
So forgive me if I am quieter than normal ...... if I slightly sit longer in the sun. Or if I cut more flowers for myself.
Its time to fill my soul and to heal .....