Word of the year ...............

Some time, many years ago, I was digging through my dad's veterinary office.

I was looking for .............. stuff.  Cool things.  Old things.  Just stuff.

And I found a scale similar to this .........

It was far simpler than this.  Not as pretty.  Definitely not shiny but you get the idea.  And I enjoyed playing with it ... just trying to get the different weights to balance out.

Balance from one side to another.  Too heavy ..... too light.....trying to find the Goldilocks moment.

Aahhh .... just right.

And there is the total sum of my life .... trying to find balance.

And I totally completely suck at it!

I grow too much .. I grow too little and all the while, I never grow the right stuff.  I can too much .... and then, get sick of another pasta meal with tomatoes.

I teach too many classes in hope that some will "fly" and we get enough students to take the classes.  Then I am over-the-top too busy to enjoy life and the classes because I have committed myself to teaching 4 classes a week.  Yet ... with no classes, I flounder for purpose.

I have too much yarn, fiber, fabric and embroidery floss .... just waiting for the next project.  And although, I do get a lot accomplished .... I always feel like there is too little time in life to make all that I want to make.

And often, I find myself creating ... in hopes that someone will remember that I was here for a brief time.  My gift .... a little thing made by hand.

I crave solitude and silence but I fear loneliness and becoming a recluse. Is my farm a sanctuary or a hiding place?

So it is balance ... I will try to achieve this year.  I am really not sure what it is, what it looks like or how to achieve it.

But fortunately, life is not a 4 inch wide piece of wood, suspended 3 feet above the ground ... expecting a graceful dismount as I try to perfect living.

I would have broken my neck a very long time ago.


Even when I was a gymnast (really, I was!) my dismounts were never perfect, and I fretted about that far too much. In my adult life, like you, I have struggled with balance, ding too much for too many and then sometimes feeling resentful about it. Only recently, the last four years or so, have I given myself permission to do more of that which gives me pleasure, like returning to school, and less for so so so many others. In giving up some control, I've gotten out of the way enough so that others, like my dear husband, could rise to the challenge. Life...such a damn process! Best wishes to you blog buddy!

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