Mindful...


I have a great tee shirt that Deborah Nieman Bohle gave me .....

Gardening is cheaper than therapy ...
    and you get tomatoes.

How very true!

If you have read this blog ... or have known me for the past 40+ years, you know that I suffer from depression and its best friend, anxiety.

This winter has been hard. Really hard. Fetal position hard.

Now ... I am not looking for sympathy. I have been living with this for 2/3 of my life and I have taken medication and used various coping mechanisms.



I definitely struggle seasonally with mental illness. Winters are hell. Normally,  I have can work my way out of the depths of misery by knitting and sewing.  That was not the result this year. My mind sees the world as scary .. dark ...lonely. And the only safe place is found being curled up on the couch watching daytime tv.

My depression magically dissipates with the arrival of spring and the ability to play in the dirt. I try not to wear gloves so my hands have skin to soil contact. Within a month of digging and planting ... I feel lighter. I feel joy. I feel confident and strong, instead of feeling inadequate and worthless.



In the last 10 years, we have learned that soil is magical. A British oncologist was working with mycobacterium vaccae to cure lung cancer. It didn't work. But the patients' quality of life improved.

Research went forward and it was found that those lovely mycobacterium vaccae increase seratonin levels like Prozac does.  No wonder my garden is my happy place.




Unfortunately, our cold .. long ... forever winters leave me with 4 or 5 monthes of mental darkness.  Sunny bright winter days can be joyful but cloudy, dreary Januarys are the worse!!

And I know .... I AM NOT ALONE.

But I have to do something. I have decided to take it into my own hands ..... literally.  I want to get down and dirty.

I want a greenhouse.



 


But of course, there is a catch.

It is my 125 year old farmhouse. And it has its own set of issues and they may be a priority.

Okay.

They are the priority.




I will continue to dream.

But once I get an idea in my head .... I can't shake it.

I could do a crowd funding thing. But THAT would skyrocket my anxiety!!

I hope you can help a little ... if you can bring a friend ... or introduce someone new to the farm ... it would be HUGE!!!

Or if you haven't been to the farm in a couple of years ... stop by!
Help me build this little dream!

And maybe .... just maybe ... you will discover the magic that comes from playing in the dirt.




Comments

brendab said…
Funny how the mind works isn't it? My dark days are in the summer. In the dark of winter is when I feel relaxed - go figure. I often wonder why we humans can have the same genome and yet be so different. Maybe someday some scientist will figure it out, but for now we struggle on.

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