Valuing myself...........

I have struggled with self-esteem issues all of my life.

I never felt like I was good enough.  And I honestly believe this came from a culture where women were raised to be subservient.  Without value.  Insignificant.  Hello, 1950's America. Note that June Cleaver was usually in the kitchen in high heels.  Want to keep a woman down .... make her wear high heels 12 hours a day!  (Yea Sistas.  You may not be a feminist.  But if you are wearing yoga pants and flip flops while grocery shopping, you benefited from a bunch of them!)

If I did anything good .... it was always prefaced with what I did wrong.  My hair was too thick.  My feet were pigeon-toed.  I held my needle wrong as I hemmed. (Seriously? Who cares?  The hem was beautiful.  To quote Emerson Eggerichs .... Not wrong.  Just different.)

The hardest thing to do as woman and a farmer, is to value ourselves and our talents.

So it was with great delight that I read this article. (Special shout out to my friend Maggie for sharing that!)

The other day, I was contacted by a group for a tour of the farm.  I directed them to the field trip page of this blog. 

Now I charge $5 for an adult or child to tour the farm in a group.  $5.  Your iced cinnamon dolce latte at Starbucks costs more than that.

And for that $5 ..... I clean the bathroom, stock it with fresh hand soap, plenty of toilet paper, and cute paper hand towels.  I provide some type of beverage for you to drink.  Usually lemonade.  I iron 3-5 vintage tablecloths to go into the corn-zebo.  I spend 1-2 hours answering questions about chickens, flowers, teacups and soybeans.

Where did the chicken with the funny hairdo come from? 

Did you dye your eggs?  

Do they taste the same? 

Those are funny looking geese. (Yes.  They are funny looking geese because they are ducks.)

Do your tea cups break?  Why did you do that? 

I've never seen those flowers before.  What do you call them?  

Did you can all those tomatoes?  Don't you know about grocery stores?  I wouldn't waste my time.

Do you really live in that house?  I would burn it down.

But $5 per person was too much.

And I cringed.  Because I want everyone to love this farm as much as I do.  And I want to share it with them.... but this is my job.

Its how I pay the mortgage, the utility bill, and the insurance.  Like a teacher that goes to school everyday, like the doctor that looks at our tonsils, like the mechanic that fixes our car....... I work for a living.

Too often, groups have come to the farm........ and looked at the flowers.  They have asked question after question.  They have enjoyed the corn-zebo and sat with their friends for hours. 

And after they leave........ I wash and iron the vintage tablecloths, clean the garbage left behind, scrub the bathroom again for the next group.  And I wish my work would have value.

I have never gone to the grocery store and have the clerk present me with a total of $92.00... and asked, Would you take $75? But the other day, I was asked to take $3/dozen for eggs because I don't know if I will like fresh eggs.  (I'm not sure if she deserved to eat those eggs after that comment!)

While weeding today, I realized that I am to blame.  Me. No one else.  Me.

When we value ourselves and what we do as important, others will also.


Yea.  Kind of a good message for Mother's Day.

From a woman that makes 75 cents for every dollar a man makes.