Waiting to breath..................

It comes once a year.

The moment that one thought and one thought alone, grips the depths of your being.

You push it deep down and try to ignore it.  But its there.  And in the quiet of a spring day or under the darkness night .... it haunts you with its What ifs.

You are the spouse of a cancer survivor.

And for that week ....... the week between the blood tests, the Cat-scans, the PET-scans and the X-ray  and the all-important annual check-up ......... you try not to go to that quiet place of What ifs.

Eight years ago .... Honey received the diagnosis of lung cancer. 

I immediately went into to "fighter-mode".  I searched the Internet for knowledge. 

And I walked away frightened, scared and scarred with the statistics that existed.

Fortunately, a wise oncologist told me to "Get off the Internet!"  Honey's cancer was found very very early and for us, surgery was all he needed.  Few are that lucky.  We had been blessed.

But every year .......... we go back for a check-up.  And every year, I hold my breath.  Because .... he didn't have cancer ... we had cancer together. 

As time progresses, the chance of a recurrence becomes slimmer and slimmer. 

I know that.  I can put all of the facts down on paper and look at them.  I can count the years. I can see his healthy glow and his energy. But the What-ifs are never erased.

We went to the annual check-up on Tuesday.

I can breath again.  All is good.

Until ... next year. 

All because I am spouse of a cancer survivor.