Drifting and Bobbing ....

They say life is what happens while you are making other plans. 

All summer we schemed and talked and planned how to add more flowers to the farm. With a new greenhouse and potting shed, we would save shipping charges and be able to plant some flowers in smaller quantities. And by using cool flower planting methods, we would have more flowers earlier in the season. There would be variety. 

And then, Honey contacted pneumonia. We discovered that his lungs are weaker than we thought. There are still questions about a solid diagnosis and we are now in the hands of specialists.

All the fall plans and winter dreams went flying out the windows ... to be replaced by blood tests, scans and doctor's appointments.

He is calm, deliberate and determined to heal. 

And then there is my reaction to all of this. 

Which can only be described as "Chicken Little moves to Miss Eff's"!!!  Yikes!! 

I can tell you how I handle it .... NOT well! So not well, I ended up at Convenient Care with a panic attack. 

One Thursday morning, I felt myself fainting. Heart pounding. Dizzy. Light- headed.  I just knew it was a panic attack. 

OK ... I thought it was a panic attack. I was sure it was a panic attack. Chest pain, fainting, hyperventilating, bit of nausea . Oh yea, kind of sounds like heart attack symptoms. 

So this short, chubby 65 year old woman decided ... hmmm, I should have this checked out. So we went to have my panic attack confirmed.  Chest x-ray, EKG, blood test.

And I was diagnosed. 

According to the nurse practitioner.... You are perfect. 

I asked her to repeat it .... twice. Loudly.  I needed to make sure Honey heard her. 😊

OK ... I had a panic attack. Which is not perfect. 

My darling Honey would tell you that I am a control freak. Not that I want to control him .... or other people. But yes, I want to know "the next move".  What is next on the list ... a phone call to make, a task to do, a project to do.

And now ... I don't.  I don't know what to plan ... where to go .... what to do next.  And it is then ... the panic attacks set in.

In this season of uncertainty and fear ....  I find myself drifting and bobbing with no control of my life.

I haven't ordered a plug, a seed or a plant. There are no charts or maps or planting dates listed.  There are no visions of pretty gardens dancing through my dreams.

Maybe this week will bring answers. 

"Chicken Little" sure hopes so.