Looking back .... waaay back.
Today is one of those days that you look back over your life and think, evaluate and contemplate.
Yea ... today is my birthday.
Now, don't go and send birthday wishes cuz that's not what this is all about! Its about thinking.
I turned 56 today. And I know 56 is not a milestone birthday but in 4 more years, I'll be 60! And in nine more years, I'll be 65.
The last nine years went really really fast!!! On Sept 11, 2001 .... I sat on our porch and thought about how I would like to take my backyard and turn it into a U-pick flower garden. I wanted to bake bread everyday, spin my own yarn and raise chickens so I could have really fresh eggs. And although, I had been canning for years .... I wanted pantries full home-canned goodies.
All my life -- I went the safe route. There were so many things I really wanted to do ... and I listened to others when they told me that I would fail, couldn't make money or .... I was just wrong. I know ... I was surrounded by people that were Depression-Era children. Money and security were important to them.... far more important than following dreams or living an authentic life. And I hated myself for being something I wasn't. I wasn't strong enough ... independent enough ... to stand up on my own feet and Go for it!
And finally ... nine years ago .... I did go for it.
Suddenly, I emerged. Not the person that I was raised to be .... but the person I was born to be. My soul soars when I am digging in the beautiful black Iowa soil. I love connecting with our customers........ to sit on the ground and talk and maybe, tell the story of our tiny little farm. I am truly happy for the first time in my life..... its not about money for me but the satisfaction of being an accomplished, productive woman.
The depression that haunted me for decades is lighter ..... it is still there as it is a disease. But I can breathe ......... and I am not smothered by the disapproving scowls of others. I work my way through it with my feathery friends, a fluffy ball of fiber, my wonderful customers or a bubbling mass of fruit.
The first half of my life was clouded by self-doubts, self-loathing and fear.
The second half ............. look out!!! Cuz Miss Eff is on the wonderful merry-go-round of life and she is reaching for the brass ring!!!!
And during the second act of my life ..... I might just get it!
Yea ... today is my birthday.
Now, don't go and send birthday wishes cuz that's not what this is all about! Its about thinking.
I turned 56 today. And I know 56 is not a milestone birthday but in 4 more years, I'll be 60! And in nine more years, I'll be 65.
The last nine years went really really fast!!! On Sept 11, 2001 .... I sat on our porch and thought about how I would like to take my backyard and turn it into a U-pick flower garden. I wanted to bake bread everyday, spin my own yarn and raise chickens so I could have really fresh eggs. And although, I had been canning for years .... I wanted pantries full home-canned goodies.
All my life -- I went the safe route. There were so many things I really wanted to do ... and I listened to others when they told me that I would fail, couldn't make money or .... I was just wrong. I know ... I was surrounded by people that were Depression-Era children. Money and security were important to them.... far more important than following dreams or living an authentic life. And I hated myself for being something I wasn't. I wasn't strong enough ... independent enough ... to stand up on my own feet and Go for it!
And finally ... nine years ago .... I did go for it.
Suddenly, I emerged. Not the person that I was raised to be .... but the person I was born to be. My soul soars when I am digging in the beautiful black Iowa soil. I love connecting with our customers........ to sit on the ground and talk and maybe, tell the story of our tiny little farm. I am truly happy for the first time in my life..... its not about money for me but the satisfaction of being an accomplished, productive woman.
The depression that haunted me for decades is lighter ..... it is still there as it is a disease. But I can breathe ......... and I am not smothered by the disapproving scowls of others. I work my way through it with my feathery friends, a fluffy ball of fiber, my wonderful customers or a bubbling mass of fruit.
The first half of my life was clouded by self-doubts, self-loathing and fear.
The second half ............. look out!!! Cuz Miss Eff is on the wonderful merry-go-round of life and she is reaching for the brass ring!!!!
And during the second act of my life ..... I might just get it!
Comments
I've just discovered your blog, and I'm so happy I did. You're an inspiration to me.
Hope you enjoyed a wonderful day, with many more to come!
Your thoughts brought tears, but Thank you anytway for sharing. Hope your day was great.
I must agree with your inspirational statements. I am 46 this year and have realized there is the life we "think" we should be living and the life we "know" is the one that will make us happy. I play safe too but as each day quickly passes I find I long to bust out of this box and live more freely. I've just begun baking bread weekly..Just a couple of more years and I want my own chickens. I am a new reader and look forward to reading your blog. Thank you! And Happy Birthday!!